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| From | Message | Posted by kestutis
austinfilmfestival.org
4/16/2008
23:24:07
Play online chess |  Subject: Chess jokes
Message:
How about some jokes related to chess?
I found one that made me laugh outloud:
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
| Posted by chessnovice
austinfilmfestival.org
4/17/2008
03:10:18
Play online chess | always been my favorite
Message:
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
| Posted by taufiq
austinfilmfestival.org
4/17/2008
04:37:56
Play online chess | ...
Message:
A chess master died at his chessboard - and after a few days, a good friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are chess tournaments with incredible classical, rapids and blitz sessions going on all the time 24/7 with Morphy, Stenitz, Pillsbury, Dr. Lasker, Capablanca, Alekhine, Dr. Euwe, Botvinnik, Bronstein, Tal, Petrosian, they're all here, and you can play any one of them at anytime."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "so what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
———
Bobby Fischer Against the World (movie review) — A riveting documentary about the troubled US chess champion and his battle with Boris Spassky. Liz Garbus's gripping documentary about the life and times of the troubled American chess genius Bobby Fischer asks a number of questions. Did Bobby's missing dad create an emotional void which was neurotically filled with chess? Is there something in the game that encourages immersive obsession and ultimate madness? Would Fischer have gone the same way if he had been a plumber or a welder? And why is it that antisemitism is the bigotry of choice for mentally ill people? Non-chessers like me are already basically aware of the second and third acts of this American life. The middle act was ...
Posted by akisame
austinfilmfestival.org
4/17/2008
06:03:45
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
Beating your friend at chess - fun.
Beating Chewbacca at chess - wookie mistake.
———
On Chess: Game wading into waves of change — Like so much in contemporary life, chess - like an onrushing river - is characterized by constant change. Bobby Fischer had the equivalent of a dozen or more doctorates in chess. He studied and assimilated - like no one else before him - what seemed at the time to be a massive classical chess heritage. Grandmasters today have access to a minimum database of more than 4 million games, far eclipsing the chess legacy that Fischer inherited - and that database is increasing at an accelerating rate. Setting up the pieces, playing through a game or games and reviewing relevant positions are painfully time-consuming. Fortunately, chess software and the computer screen speed ...
Posted by akisame
austinfilmfestival.org
4/17/2008
06:22:07
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
A seaside town was hosting a world caliber chess tournament. Two days into the tournament, one of the competitors, finished with his game, decides to go for a swim. After a few minutes, he is heard crying out; it is discovered that a shark has taken a bite out of his leg. Everyone is alarmed, but assurances are given that the shark will be found, and it was after all small bite.
The next day another tournament player goes swimming, and his leg also has a bite taken out of it. Same thing the third day. Strangely, though there are other people at the beach, it is only the chess players that are being nibbled.
In an effort to assure the public and keep the tournament from collapsing, a strong net is placed around the beach and the queen is asked if she can intervene. "It is well known that you play chess, your Majesty. There is a protective net up now, and if you can swim safely, then the players will be reassured and the people can feel comfortable on our beaches again. The queen agrees, and goes for a quick swim. She has been out for only a minute when she yelps. She is quickly pulled out of the water, and her leg inspected. Lo and behold, another shark bite. This time however, it appears the shark dd not remove any flesh. The public is told tha queen has emerged in one piece.
The tabloids cannot resist the story.
The next day's headlines read "Queen's gam bit, declined."
———
After Decades in Top Ranks, a Shot at the Title, Finally — Chess players usually reach their peak in their 20s, so how is it that the grandmaster Boris Gelfand is getting his first crack at becoming world chess champion when he is 43? Gelfand, whose Candidates Matches victory in May earned him the right to play Viswanathan Anand for the title next year, said he was encouraged by the example of Viktor Korchnoi. When he was in his late 40s, Korchnoi, now 80, played for the chess championship twice. “Korchnoi is kind of inspiration for me and for all of us,” Gelfand said in a recent telephone interview, quoting Korchnoi’s advice that “if you want to improve, you have to learn new things all the time.” Gelfand said he changed his opening repertory before ...
Posted by ionadowman
austinfilmfestival.org
4/17/2008
13:49:09
Play online chess | The rivalry...
Message:
... between Aleksandr Alekhine and Efim Bogoljobov was as intense as any the chessboard had seen, and the vitriol was never far from the surface. Finally, in exasperation, Alekhine told this story:
"Last night, I had a dream... I dreamed I had died, and was wafted to the gates of heaven. There I stood at the Pearly Gates accosted by St Peter, who asked my who I was.
Says I, 'I am Aleksandr Aleksandrovitch Alekhine, Chess Champion of the World!'
'Chess Champion!" says St Peter, "We don't allow chess players to enter the Kingdom of Heaven! To the nether place you must go!'
Well, feeling disconsolate, I was about to turn away, when who should drift by but Bogoljobov, complete with angel wings and halo, plinking a harp and floating on a cloud.
'Hang on a moment!" says I, "What about Bogoljubov here? He's a chess player and you let him in!'
'Bogojubov a chess player?" quoth the Saintly Doorkeeper,
'Nah! He just thinks he is!' "
Cheers,
Ion
———
Chennai make bid to host 2012 world title match — Chennai, India, has made a bid, backed by the Tamil Nadu state government, to host the 2012 Vishy Anand (India) verses Boris Gelfand (Israel) world title match. The world chess governing body Fide will now decide between Chennai and an earlier bid from Moscow. Magnus Carlsen, world No1 at 20, and Sergey Karjakin, No4 at 21, are exceptional for their age, yet they now face a challenge from two still younger chess grandmasters who are advancing fast up the rankings. Italy's Fabiano Caruana, 18, took first prize at New Delhi last month and is ranked in the top 20 GMs, while Anish Giri, 17, won the Dutch chess championship by a two-point margin. Giri is reaching his rating targets at a younger age than ...
Posted by tag1153
austinfilmfestival.org
4/18/2008
08:43:42
Play online chess | as told by Capablanca
Message:
"I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."
"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"
"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."
"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."
"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."
About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"
"Why, we killed him, of course."
———
Bobby Fischer: How the king of chess lost his crown — By Garry Kasparov. Bobby Fischer was the chess world’s flawed genius. His mercurial brilliance was undisputed, but his fragile mental health led to poisonous and very public outbursts - especially after 9/11 - that prompted global revulsion. Garry Kasparov, himself world chess champion for 20 years, remembers with fondness and frustration the man he most wishes he had played: It would be impossible for me to write dispassionately about Bobby Fischer even if I were to try. I was born the year he achieved a perfect score at the US Chess Championship in 1963, 11 wins with no losses or draws. He was only 20 at that point but it had been obvious for years that he was destined to become ...
Posted by caro-kann
austinfilmfestival.org
4/23/2008
03:28:11
Play online chess | A horrible joke ;)
Message:
One weekend, a major chess tournament was held between lots of players. Each player played 4 games against everyone else in their group, then the winners of each group would do the same against each other. In the final match, the winner easily defeated the loser 4-0. However, this sort of tournament takes a long time, and goes from morning to afternoon. Lunch is served between games.
The press come in to congratulate the winner and to interview him. The first few questions go along swimmingly, however, the next question is not fully heard. The winner's reply is though :
I started out with two Fried Livers - really robust, strong openers - even I was surprised at my own audacity to try it. In the middle, I had a nice King's Indian - every piece complemented each other thorougly, with lots of depth in the preparation - a true flash of brilliance. To finish it off, I decided on the Danish. It was an interesting thing - the many layers and discoveries that were made. It was a sweet ending.
To answer your question, I thoroughly enjoyed that particular lunch.
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